yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
