I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
