My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
