You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
