yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
