I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
how does that bad decision feel?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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