i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
