capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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