It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
