I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
