I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
