I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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