Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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