I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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