did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
