You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would ride that face into the sunset
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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