how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
