I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
