Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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