Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
