im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
