So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
