The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
