also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
