I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
