yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
