I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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