My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
