2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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