Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
