I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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