I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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