Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
