Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My balls are so social today.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
