we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
