dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I forget how to act sober
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
