his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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