Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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