probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
