Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
