My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
