lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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