Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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