guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
