Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
