***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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