Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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