Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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