I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
