Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
