I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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