I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
