so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize