i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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