oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your cock deserves a montage
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
