I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
