her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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