Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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