her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
