i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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