He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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