Do you still have your period?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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