she was so not down for the gang bang
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
