Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
