Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize