I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
