I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
