you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
