I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
