i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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