positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize