The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
