The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
