Screwed.edu
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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