Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
