Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
