You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
