this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
