I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
