I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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