why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
