This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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