i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
